Wednesday, August 10, 2016

The Reality of Child Birth

After a little under 12 hours of labor, Isaiah Michael Glenn made his debut on July 31st at 12:45 p.m weighing 8 lbs 9 oz and 21 in. long. He truly is our gift from God. Perfect and healthy and not to mention the most beautiful baby we have ever laid our eyes on...granted we are very biased.

I had every intention of having a natural birth until the contractions got to be closer and stronger and I realized there was no way I'd be able to relax through them, which scared me knowing that it may slow down my progression. So I got the epidural, and let me just say...I am now in full support of the epidural. All you women who had a natural child are AMAZING. Labor is out of this world. As my doctor perfectly put it, "You can really feel humanity's sin."

At the beginning of a contraction I'd be telling myself I could do it and to just breathe and by the end of the contraction I was spewing out words that I don't even remember thinking and holding onto my husband so hard just hoping that the pain would go away. You enter into a zone that you've never been in before.

Women do not get enough credit through pregnancy, labor, delivery, and postpartum. Creating a baby, housing a baby, changing your body to deliver the baby, then pushing a baby the size of a pumpkin out of a place on your body that is really just not big enough, and then having to recover from 9 months of changes while taking care of your baby and feeding them from your body every 2-3 hours, which hurts for a week or so.

From my experience, the world has really dumbed down pregnancy, child birth, and recovery. And I fully admit I was totally naive until I went through it. It simply is not talked about enough.
This is not meant to scare anyone but the reality is that postpartum is real and raw and painful...but on the other hand it's beautiful and breathtaking.

A new mom is not just tired because her baby is waking up in the middle of the night to feed. She is tired because her body is recovering from 9 months of her organs being shifted around and healing from her bottom region trying to go back to the way it was. Healing requires rest. Isaiah was directly on my bladder for the majority of my pregnancy, which meant I was literally going to the bathroom 6 times in the middle of the night. Now Isaiah only gets up about 2 times in the middle of the night so you would think that would be better than 6 times...yet I'm still exhausted. Why? Because my body is still healing.

Going to the bathroom is not only not the same, it's painful. Now that I say that can you imagine why?

Walking up the stairs was a very slow process and even walking around was uncomfortable. Not only does my bottom hurt but my back and my ribs and my abdomen all are sore. Pushing a baby out is serious work. Don't believe me? Try doing it yourself.

On top of physical pain, there's the pain of missing your baby being in your belly. I was told I would miss my belly but never believed it as I just viewed it as being uncomfortable and thought that I'd be happier with him in my arms. I was definitely wrong. Once I met Isaiah, cliche as it world literally shifted. And now that I know him, I now realize that he was the one in my belly and the one that I was laying with in the morning as he was rolling around and kicking me. I miss him being there at all times to the point of tears.

Speaking of tears, sometimes I just cry. I cry because I love him so much, I cry because I'm scared for him, I cry because I miss my husband when he's at work. I just cry. The world would love to tell me that I'm being crazy, but I know this is totally normal. My hormones are raging right now and with everything I've gone through it is enough reason to have a good cry.

I am the first of all my friends to have a baby and go through this and that makes it difficult. But it's good so I can sort through all of my emotions and figure everything out without trying to run and escape them. It's also difficult because I know once you reach of certain point of your children's lives you tend to forget a lot of things that happened after you gave birth to them. I am only 1.5 weeks postpartum which means everything is very real and open right now. I still haven't forgotten about the pain of labor or the pain after labor because I am still going through it. However, when I think back to my labor, it was so beautiful I'd do it over and over again to get to have my baby in my arms.

There are so many emotions that overcome me when I think about these past couple weeks, and they are all okay. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

God created women knowing that they could endure child birth. God created women to be strong yet loving beings. Don't forget that.

Oh, Isaiah, how you are loved.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

3 More Months

Less than 3 months until we get to see and hold our baby boy for the first time. I have never felt so many emotions at one time in all my life. Happy, excited, nervous, could blame it on the hormones, but it could also be because I know that this tiny human is going to change our lives forever.

Laying in bed and feeling him rolling around and kicking is such an amazing/crazy experience. Until I was pregnant I never really realized how mind blowing pregnancy actually is. A woman's body literally creates and houses a baby INSIDE her body. Like, what? 
Sometimes I actually forget he's in there during the day, but quickly remember when picking something up off the ground isn't as easy as it used to be.

Don't get me wrong, among all of the beautiful things pregnancy is, pregnancy is also really hard. Before I was pregnant everything was go go go and I didn't have to think about it. I always sped around getting the chores and miscellaneous things done and never had to worry about getting tired or finding time to rest. Now my cleaning regime has decreased quite a bit and the amount I can get done in a day is split in half. My workouts have gone from 60 intense minutes to 20-40 slow paced minutes. Walking up the stairs is even tiring. I understand that every pregnancy is different so not everyone experiences this, but it is definitely the biggest change among them thus far for me. Even when they said the 2nd trimester was supposed to be full of energy, mine was not so much.

I do have to say there were times in the 1st and 2nd trimester where I was feeling sorry for myself. Why didn't anyone tell me pregnancy is not all about looking cute and buying baby clothes?! But honestly, as I move into the 3rd trimester I am full of excitement. I do have hard days, but at the end of them I know we are that much closer to meeting our baby, and that is amazing.

When we first found out we were pregnant I was scared. I was scared that I wasn't ready, I was scared I wouldn't be a good mom, but mostly I was scared of the unknown. I knew having a baby meant that we will no longer be able to get up and go when we please and we will no longer be able to go out with friends on a whim. Our bed times will be even earlier and our income will become smaller. However, it has really taken all this time for me to say and truly mean, "I do not care."

God has blessed us with this tiny baby to raise and take care of. This baby is a gift.

Society tells us that babies are work. They cry and take up all your time and money. You won't have any time to yourself and your relationships will suffer. But I say, screw you society. When has listening to you done any good for my soul anyways?

This baby will cry, and this baby will take up our time and money...but this baby is loved. This baby is chosen by God and gifted to us. How amazing is that?

Though pregnancy is hard, it has only been preparing me for the days to come. Some days will be hard but the joy of this child will far outweigh the bad times, which will also happen at the end of this pregnancy (thank goodness). It's easy to focus on the bad and negative and get caught up in the what ifs. However, when you focus on the good and the positive...that's life changing.

I'm not going to pretend that everything is going to be perfect, but I am going to cling to the fact that we have a GOOD and LOVING God and that he will bring us through anything that comes our way.

I may be young, but God gifted us a baby...and I am grateful.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
Psalm 139: 13-14