Let The Past Be The Past

"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."

Isn't that the truth?

Time after time, I find myself thinking about and reanalyzing the past. "I wish I would've done this, or if I could go back I'd do this..."

But that's impossible and you can't change what happened as much as you want to, as we all know.

The truth is, even if we were to go back in time and say what we wish we would've said, or not said the thing we did say, how much would it change our current situation?

There are situations being played on replay in my head, and in those situations I would act differently or say something more profound or not say anything at all, but I know that deep down, what I did do or what I did say brought me to the place I needed to be.

Whether that place was a new job, a new relationship, or a new friendship, I was always in the place I needed to be.

When I think back to the previous chapters in my life, it was the things that hurt the most and that I wish I could change that actually brought me to the best places in my life. Break ups and heartbreak, being broke to no end, or even a fight with a friend....I think about them and as much as they hurt and as much as they left me feeling broken, I learned some of the biggest lessons of my life.

Funny how that works huh?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know that God has his wonderful ways that as humans, we can't even comprehend. He puts us in the right places, at the right times, with the right people, and we don't even think about it while it's happening.

We think we know what is best for us, and we think that we can avoid all of the bad in our lives. But what if the bad is supposed to happen? What if it is only from the bad that we can learn some of life's most valuable lessons?

It's a joke between my husband and I that we wish we would've met when we were little. We wish that we could've shared all of the monumental moments in our lives together instead of filling each other in on them now. But honestly, we weren't ready to be with each other back then, as much as I wish we could've been. There were lessons we needed to learn and people we needed to meet before we met.

It was because of all of my heartbreaks and all of my failed relationships that I learned what I wanted in a relationship and how I should act in a relationship. Without those lessons, I'd be a completely different person.

It's easy to re-open past chapters in our lives and think, if we would've just done that one thing, everything would be better now. But, we should really just accept our pasts for what they are...lessons. There's no need to dwell when we can just accept the past for what it is and move on with our lives.

My past may not look the prettiest as far as I'm concerned, but it has moved me forward to the most beautiful places I've ever been.

Everything happens for a reason, so let's embrace the present and make each new chapter better than the last, learning from the past chapters and nothing more than that, leaving them where they belong.

I'm Free

"...and I said to my body softly, 'I want to be your friend.' It took a long breath and replied, 'I have been waiting my whole life for this.'" -Nayyirah Waheed

Do you ever read something and you feel a warmth over your whole body? As if your mind, body, and soul all line up the moment after reading it?

That is how I feel about this quote.

My whole life, I've only been fighting my body. Starving and manipulating it, trying to make it into something else...something that somebody else thinks it should be.

It wasn't until recently, when I really started to give my body a chance. Avoiding triggering thoughts and things that would only bring me envy and self-doubt.

What did I find?

Freedom.

Freedom from others opinions, freedom from my fears, freedom from my doubts...just soul quenching freedom.

In the past month I have experienced more self growth then I have in years and it is because I decided to listen to, love, and appreciate my body just the way it is.

I stopped excessively going to the gym, I walk instead of run, I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, and I eat that piece of chocolate if I want that piece of chocolate, dangit.

Don't get me wrong, I fall back into bad patterns here and there, but the thing is...I recognize it. I know what I'm doing and where it leads and from there I can change those thoughts and actions.

Why do we need to look a certain way to be happy? And why do we let these thoughts hold us as prisoners?

There was a time when there was minimal fat on my body, I could run more than 13 miles without getting tired, and I worked out 2 times a day. Some would say that sounds like an awesome life. But guess what? I was so unhappy. Food and exercise ruled my life. What I ate affected my workouts, I needed to workout everyday, and if something interrupted my workout my day was ruined. My relationships suffered and so did my well-being.

It's been a hard lesson, but I've learned that if we don't love ourselves now, in this present time, in this moment....we will never love ourselves, even if we do have "the perfect body."

When we love ourselves, we shine a light of confidence that no diet and health plan could ever do.

We should work out because we love our bodies, we should eat because we love our bodies, and we should think good thoughts about ourselves because we love our bodies.

So, I urge anyone who is having a difficult day today and thinking bad thoughts about themselves, to go...look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough and you do love yourself.

Your body works hard everyday keeping you alive, so free yourself from negative thoughts and fill yourself with love. It will only thank you for it.

What is love?

My husband and I have a very special relationship. We love each other for who we are not who we want each other to be. This has been very clear from the beginning of our relationship. We were ourselves, never pretending to be something we weren't. If we got upset about something, we told each other. If we had a problem, we talked about it. We communicated, and always knew what our intentions were.

It was so easy. We didn't have to think about it....we just did it.

But, I used to think love was complicated.

We tend to make up rules and complicate things when it comes to relationships. We can't do this or that and we have a specific "type" of person we want. They have to look a certain way and act a certain way and if they don't add up to our specifications we won't look at them twice.

I used to try follow these complicated made-up rules. All it resulted in was my hiding my true self and acting like someone I never was. I never wanted to be myself in fear I wasn't guarding my heart enough, which led to me being afraid to be myself altogether. I read way too far into situations and tried to be the person I thought someone else wanted. I was afraid to share my thoughts and ideas in fear I would become too open.

I was complicating love, love wasn't being complicated.

Now, I couldn't be happier in my marriage, and it's because it's natural and it's real. We love each other with our whole hearts and minds and we don't complicate it.

If you have something to say, say it. If you're upset about something, talk about it. Share your hopes and your dreams. Don't hide who you are because someone else told you you weren't good enough. Be confident in who you are because the person you are supposed to be with will love everything about you.

Go with the flow.

Love deeply.

Love freely.