3 More Months

Less than 3 months until we get to see and hold our baby boy for the first time. I have never felt so many emotions at one time in all my life. Happy, excited, nervous, anxious...you could blame it on the hormones, but it could also be because I know that this tiny human is going to change our lives forever.

Laying in bed and feeling him rolling around and kicking is such an amazing/crazy experience. Until I was pregnant I never really realized how mind blowing pregnancy actually is. A woman's body literally creates and houses a baby INSIDE her body. Like, what? 
Sometimes I actually forget he's in there during the day, but quickly remember when picking something up off the ground isn't as easy as it used to be.

Don't get me wrong, among all of the beautiful things pregnancy is, pregnancy is also really hard. Before I was pregnant everything was go go go and I didn't have to think about it. I always sped around getting the chores and miscellaneous things done and never had to worry about getting tired or finding time to rest. Now my cleaning regime has decreased quite a bit and the amount I can get done in a day is split in half. My workouts have gone from 60 intense minutes to 20-40 slow paced minutes. Walking up the stairs is even tiring. I understand that every pregnancy is different so not everyone experiences this, but it is definitely the biggest change among them thus far for me. Even when they said the 2nd trimester was supposed to be full of energy, mine was not so much.

I do have to say there were times in the 1st and 2nd trimester where I was feeling sorry for myself. Why didn't anyone tell me pregnancy is not all about looking cute and buying baby clothes?! But honestly, as I move into the 3rd trimester I am full of excitement. I do have hard days, but at the end of them I know we are that much closer to meeting our baby, and that is amazing.

When we first found out we were pregnant I was scared. I was scared that I wasn't ready, I was scared I wouldn't be a good mom, but mostly I was scared of the unknown. I knew having a baby meant that we will no longer be able to get up and go when we please and we will no longer be able to go out with friends on a whim. Our bed times will be even earlier and our income will become smaller. However, it has really taken all this time for me to say and truly mean, "I do not care."

God has blessed us with this tiny baby to raise and take care of. This baby is a gift.

Society tells us that babies are work. They cry and take up all your time and money. You won't have any time to yourself and your relationships will suffer. But I say, screw you society. When has listening to you done any good for my soul anyways?

This baby will cry, and this baby will take up our time and money...but this baby is loved. This baby is chosen by God and gifted to us. How amazing is that?

Though pregnancy is hard, it has only been preparing me for the days to come. Some days will be hard but the joy of this child will far outweigh the bad times, which will also happen at the end of this pregnancy (thank goodness). It's easy to focus on the bad and negative and get caught up in the what ifs. However, when you focus on the good and the positive...that's life changing.

I'm not going to pretend that everything is going to be perfect, but I am going to cling to the fact that we have a GOOD and LOVING God and that he will bring us through anything that comes our way.

I may be young, but God gifted us a baby...and I am grateful.

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

Psalm 139: 13-14

I'm Free

"...and I said to my body softly, 'I want to be your friend.' It took a long breath and replied, 'I have been waiting my whole life for this.'" -Nayyirah Waheed

Do you ever read something and you feel a warmth over your whole body? As if your mind, body, and soul all line up the moment after reading it?

That is how I feel about this quote.

My whole life, I've only been fighting my body. Starving and manipulating it, trying to make it into something else...something that somebody else thinks it should be.

It wasn't until recently, when I really started to give my body a chance. Avoiding triggering thoughts and things that would only bring me envy and self-doubt.

What did I find?

Freedom.

Freedom from others opinions, freedom from my fears, freedom from my doubts...just soul quenching freedom.

In the past month I have experienced more self growth then I have in years and it is because I decided to listen to, love, and appreciate my body just the way it is.

I stopped excessively going to the gym, I walk instead of run, I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, and I eat that piece of chocolate if I want that piece of chocolate, dangit.

Don't get me wrong, I fall back into bad patterns here and there, but the thing is...I recognize it. I know what I'm doing and where it leads and from there I can change those thoughts and actions.

Why do we need to look a certain way to be happy? And why do we let these thoughts hold us as prisoners?

There was a time when there was minimal fat on my body, I could run more than 13 miles without getting tired, and I worked out 2 times a day. Some would say that sounds like an awesome life. But guess what? I was so unhappy. Food and exercise ruled my life. What I ate affected my workouts, I needed to workout everyday, and if something interrupted my workout my day was ruined. My relationships suffered and so did my well-being.

It's been a hard lesson, but I've learned that if we don't love ourselves now, in this present time, in this moment....we will never love ourselves, even if we do have "the perfect body."

When we love ourselves, we shine a light of confidence that no diet and health plan could ever do.

We should work out because we love our bodies, we should eat because we love our bodies, and we should think good thoughts about ourselves because we love our bodies.

So, I urge anyone who is having a difficult day today and thinking bad thoughts about themselves, to go...look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough and you do love yourself.

Your body works hard everyday keeping you alive, so free yourself from negative thoughts and fill yourself with love. It will only thank you for it.