I was DONE. I was SO done. Papers, and homework, and midterms, and finals, and on and on and on. It never ended. I was always preparing, or studying, or writing a paper, or working on a group project and...who even likes group projects?
It never ended and I was over it.
As over it as I was, what I didn't realize was that since I had been 5 years old, school is what I knew. School was the constant in my life and it's what I did. I perfected my note taking, my study skills, and my organization skills so at the end of each semester I could go online to look at my grades and see A's. It was as if I was only going to school to get A's.
I mean, I knew that the real reason I was in school was to get to the end of the tunnel where the bright lights and graduation sign were, but what I didn't realize was that these classes I was taking were supposed to be teaching me about what I would be doing AFTER school not just something I needed to get through school. I was studying fashion because it was supposed to be my passion and what I wanted to spend my life doing.
What I realize now that I was blind to then, is that fashion had never been my passion and ultimately I was just going through the motions to get to the day where I wore my cap and gown and walked across the podium. Day after day I'd show up to class, take notes, study, turn in my assignments and get A's. Why? Because I was in school and that's what you're supposed to do...isn't it?
There were signs I didn't actually want to study fashion. BIG signs. For one I hate retail. Nights, weekends, and cranky customers every day of your life are just not my thing. And no, it wasn't just from one bad job experience. I tried it 4 times. Yes...that means 4 different jobs. With each job I tried to tell myself it would get better and I'd like it....well, it didn't and I didn't.
I also never really found an interest in big name designers or designers in general and I had no desire to go and spend all my money on clothes. I also considered changing my major quite a few times, but after the initial changing my freshman year from art to fashion I just couldn't bite the bullet again.
And as enormous as these signs were I just ignored them because I could force myself to like fashion, couldn't I? And I really just wanted my degree.
Fast forward to 1.5 years and I now have a degree. Do I have a job in fashion? No.
I did for about a year after school and as hard as I tried to like it...I just couldn't. As much as I want to say I have a deep passion for the fashion industry and designing I just can't...because I don't. Don't get me wrong, I love the thought of loving fashion and I love the thought of designing, but when it comes to following though it doesn't complete me as a person. It just leaves me feeling empty.
So what now?
Was it all a waste? Did I waste my time?
This may be surprising to some, but I can confidently say that I did anything but waste my time.
School was one of the most challenging things I've ever done. Living by myself, working multiple jobs, and graduating was something that I never thought I could do. I learned more about myself in those years, than I had in all 12 years of schooling before college.
Not to mention all of the people I met during that time who influenced me to grow deeper in my faith, challenged me to a deeper relationship with God, and not to mention meeting my husband (the best thing that has ever happened to me).
I learned lessons that textbooks don't teach.
Now, I am a nanny.
It is one of the most fulfilling jobs I have ever had. No, you don't need a degree to be a nanny, but I can say going through everything I went through, all the jobs I had to have to support myself, all of the lessons I learned from the mistakes I made, not only has made me a better nanny, but a better wife, sister, daughter, and friend.
Yes I could look back and regret it all and think that I wasted my time, or I can look back and thank God for everything he has blessed me with.
I may not have ever pictured myself in the position I am in now while I was working my butt off in school, but when I connect the dots of my past I know where I am right now is where I am supposed to be.
GOD is GOOD.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."