God is Perfect

Psalm 103: 17-18 (MSG)

"...God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love. He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as the heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset he has separated us from our sins. 

As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him. He knows us inside out, keeps in mind we're made of mud. Men and women don't live very long; like wildflowers they spring up and blossom. But a storm snuffs them out as quickly, leaving nothing to show they were here. God's love, though, is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him. Making everything right for them and their children as they follow his covenant way and remember to do whatever he said." 

When I read these verses, my heart literally fills with joy. How amazing is it, that our God is love. That our God does not treat us as we may find ourselves treating others, but he treats us as we would want a best friend to treat us. But the difference...God is unchanging and constant. Our best friends and ourselves may have moments of weakness...but God, never. 

I, sadly had let this truth slip from my heart.

For some time I've been in a pit. I had been slowly digging each day thinking that I was protecting myself by hiding my heart from God. I was watching myself do it, shovel in hand digging deeper and deeper, yet I still couldn't stop. Each day was harder then the day before but I just ignored it, filling my mind and time with school and work. I ignorantly had the logic in my head that if I just protect my heart from God, it could never hurt as badly as it had hurt before I started digging.

The deeper I was digging myself away from God, more and more lies would fill into my head and consume my thoughts. I started thinking I wasn't good enough so I turned my face because I was convinced he wouldn't want to hear from me anyways.

I would still go to church, read occasionally, and pray every once and awhile...but it was nothing compared to when I had the joy and love of God burning in my heart. I let myself believe that by doing these things I was trusting in God and still had my faith...but it was a lie. 

My faith was broken.

Let me tell you something...when you don't have God the world is a very scary place. Every problem is magnified and evil seems never ending. My personal worries were miles high and most of the time I found myself going to bed at night with fear in my heart and waking up with it being in the same place. I was exhausted.

So, I broke.

I sat in the Target parking lot on the phone with my husband and broke down. Both my heart and voice screaming that I just couldn't do it anymore. I could not be without God and I knew I had to change.

I surrendered.

I realized that this had all been my choice all along. It was my decision to run away from God...it wasn't God running away from me.

God never moved. I did.

I don't know how to explain it, but I knew from there on it was going to change, and for the better.

After all this time that I had been sitting in my self-dug pit, I let lies fill in my head that God was angry with me, he was disappointed in me, and I will have to pay for my sins sooner or later in a horrible way. That was half the reason I just kept sitting in there. 

It's like when you're a kid and you know you did something wrong, like breaking a glass or you said something mean to your sibling. You don't want your parents to find you because you might get in trouble, so you just hide in your room...that's exactly what I was doing. I felt ashamed and I was afraid, so I hid.

But, it was when I surrendered to these lies in my head that I could see God's hand at the top of my pit waiting patiently for me to ask him to help pull me out. I now realize His hand was always there...I just was choosing to not look for his help. 

"...God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love. He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs."

God wants to help us, all we need to do is ask. He isn't looking to nag on us for our sins rather he wants to help us to get past those sins so we can be closer to him. 

The reason I was so discouraged was because my heart was broken, but I can now see that it was broken in such a worldly way. God knew that where I was, was not right and I needed to move. What happened was for the best and what came out of my life because of it is absolutely amazing. I was just dwelling on what God said no to instead of praising him for giving me what he gave me instead. But he's not going to hold the grudge against me that it took me this long to realize it. He loves me just the same.

Everything that happens in our lives...is for a specific reason and it's for our good. Every door that gets closed is because there's another door open, and what is on the inside is far better than we could've ever imagined. 

 "...As high as the heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset he has separated us from our sins..." 

We are not chained to our sins because Jesus died for them. 

Praise Jesus!

I was dwelling on my sins that Jesus died for therefore I was running from God for no reason. God knows our hearts and he knows when we are truly sorry. When we turn to him and ask for forgiveness it brings us that much closer to him. Because of Jesus we don't have to dwell on the past, rather move forward, learn from our mistakes, and grow closer to God, freely.

Praise God!

Sometimes we unknowingly compare God to ourselves, thinking that he will act in a certain way because that's what we would do, but this is 100% untrue. God is perfect. He's everything we would hope to be...slow to anger, abounding in love, patient, kind, forgiving...so on and so forth.

Long story short, thank you God for being you. 

Every day may not always be butterflies and rainbows, but with God on our side...life is good.

Amen.